What I Am All About

Friday, April 5, 2019

The Doctor From Hell

This is my Quora Answer to the question "What is the Coldest Thing a Doctor Has Ever Said to You?" This updated answer now contains the quote originally found in my ex-wife Angie's book A White Rose for Jonathon. It is a great read and is available through Amazon.


We entered the office waiting room and registered with the receptionist. As soon as she saw our name, she got the nurse. We were ushered back immediately. The nurse put us in a room and stood in the corner, The secondary obstetrician walked in with our chart in his hand. He was a thin, short man. He stood as far away from us as he possibly could, his back against the wall, the chart closed in his hand. The entire world stood still for this moment in time. I could feel my heart racing. My only comfort in all of this was my God and my Mike. I could feel Mike standing tall and strong, nestled closely against my back. He was trying to protect me already from what he knew would be unbearable news.

The doctor began, "Everybody wants to be happy. Everybody wants a live baby. Well, that is not the news I have for you. You are going to have a dead baby. Your baby will not make it. Everybody always want everything to be okay but that's not for you. This raises many questions. Sometimes the more questions ask, the more questions you get. Sometimes there are no answers…” On and on he droned. I wanted to see what was in the chart. He had yet to give us any reasons why this was all happening. It was all vague generalities. We sat very still and completely silent.

There came a point when I could no longer bear to hear him go on and on without really telling us anything. I leaned and forward and grabbed the chart out of his hands. Mike leaned over my shoulder to read with me. At the bottom of the page it read:

Significant Findings
1. Two-chambered heart. Unable to visualize remaining chambers.
2. Malformed abdomen of unknown origin
3. Nuchal translucency well beyond normal limits.

I didn't understand what "nuchal translucency" meant. Up until this time both Mike and I had not said a word. We were just trying to take it all in.

I looked at Mike and asked, “What is nuchal…?” I didn’t get to finish my sentence. The doctor said, “This is highly significant of a chromosomal abnormality."

"Oh, my God." It came out softly and was all I could say. My mind was flooded with the possibilities of what this could mean. I knew that some chromosomal abnormalities were fatal and some were not. My mind was overcome -- would my baby be disfigured or permanently disabled, would he suffer endless surgeries, would he even live?

The obstetrician moved from the wall and knelt in front of me. Thank God, finally this cold man was going to show some kindness. He put his fingers just inches from my nose.


“Don’t give me that ‘Oh my God’ business. This is nothing but data. Now you go home and conjugate it. That’s what you do with data.”


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